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Fears Of Uncertainty
It was a rainy day in Yerevan yesterday. As I sat down to work, I realized I was overwhelmed by all I wanted to accomplish by becoming a travel writer and photographer and fearing that my plans would lead to nowhere. It has been two weeks since I got to Yerevan, and I haven’t taken the time to reflect on how I feel about coming into a new season of my life.
I am living the dream I have been wishing for: the opportunity to work on becoming a travel writer and photographer. I’m exhilarated and frightened because while I am grateful that I finally decided to take the risk instead of regretting it for the rest of my life by never trying, I now have the added stress of not knowing where my next paycheck comes from. Which is rightfully terrifying, but I am also very excited about the challenge this puts in front of me.
Being on the ship for the last two years opened my eyes to the possibility that I could make this happen. I am not naïve to the fact that it will not be easy. But it is possible, and that’s what counts. While the ship was helping me do what I love most, which is traveling, it was also a roadblock because it was my only form of income and, in return, asked for a great deal of my time. Leaving me with minimal time to continue the projects I was working on during my leave and with limited internet access sometimes made it very difficult to focus on my goals. I was trying to do two jobs simultaneously while ensuring I worked out, slept enough, and had a social life. So, something had to give, and I decided to cut ties with the old version of myself and give up the ship to become the version I wanted to be.
But what is this version of me that I am looking for? It is a loaded question for a multifaceted individual with ADHD and a curiosity of a million dreams. I must focus on what I truly want, and that is to be self-employed and be able to live my life according to my schedule. To achieve that, I must use the skills and passions I have to make an income; my true passions have always been traveling, writing, and photography. These are the skills I must use to build the foundation of this life.
My first two tasks were to begin blogging again and open my print shop on WordPress. This was an easy task when I started on Squarespace. Still, now that I have migrated to WordPress because I wanted more control over my website, I see that more freedom comes with more options and a million new decisions for building a shop, which is overwhelming. I know that in the long run, I will be happy with my choice of switching platforms and that this path to self-employment is not a linear line but a journey of twists and turns and that I have to take it one step at a time as things will not come together overnight.
Books for Comfort
So, in my rainy days of fear, I am returning to two of my favorite books, Paris Letters and The Artist Way. Janice Macleod started her journey with Paris Letters by reading The Artist Way and asking herself, “How much money do you need to save to quit your job?” She aimed to get out of her bored, mundane copywriting corporate job in CA. With the spiritual creative workshops from Julia Cameron in The Artist Way, Janice did the math and figured out how much she would need to save to take a year off work, giving herself time to travel and figure out her next step. She began to blog and kept true to her three daily pages to make her dream of being an Artist a reality. Just like Eat, Pray, Love, which is also celebrating its 20th anniversary this October, these books give me faith that I can make my dreams a reality. And while I continue to search for memoirs like this, I also love returning to my favorite and reading them while I am in different phases of my life because every time I read them I take something different away.
But thankfully, the sun is back today, and I can see Mount Ararat greeting me from our living room balcony. Having a bright sunny morning reassured me that everything would be okay and that, in time, I would find my way into this new lifestyle.
Thank you for reading!
I hope I have inspired you to pursue your dreams and you will stick around to see how my journey turns out!
So, tell me, fellow reader, what habits of comfort do you turn to when the skies turn grey? Comment Below!