The Fear of Being Vulnerable and Creative

One thing I did not consider when starting to blog was my family’s concern for my safety. Of course, I started blogging to share more of my travel experiences with my family aside from the occasional photo or phone call. But deep down, I started this blog because I have always been a writer. I love writing and have tried to create a blog countless times but always returned to my journals out of fear. I fear that no one besides my family will ever care enough to read my work and that, in the end, I will inspire no one. Though they are entirely supportive and enjoy my writing, my family brought up their fear that I would acquire a stalker or get picked up for sex trafficking by sharing my future travel plans. Both are great points; though I think I may be too old for the target of sex trafficking, one can never be too sure, and this didn’t even cross my mind.

Typically, when traveling alone, I must worry about the odd stranger trying to follow me home, which has happened before in New York and Rome. Still, I know the areas well and can slip away without issues. I have also not worried about it because I don’t stay out too late if I know that I will be walking home alone, and if I do stay out too late, a friend always drives me home, or I call for an uber or taxi. However, even in my hometown, Ubers and Taxis aren’t always safe because a family friend’s daughter was unfortunately killed by her driver a few years ago on her way home from a night out with friends. This is another reason I don’t drink too much if I know I will be traveling home alone.

For a second, it made me regret telling my family that I started blogging, even if they had a point, and I had to take a moment to reflect on why I felt so annoyed about their concerns. Having been following blogs for years, I know it is normal for travelers to share their future travel plans, but it was more than that; my issue is that I feel like a caged bird. This happens when I don’t have the freedom to come and go as I please or I don’t have the time for solitude, which is hard to find on a ship. Working on the ship for long periods is difficult, so I look forward to my upcoming travel plans as I feel stuck in my writing. But I also neglect my gratitude for my recent experiences by not sharing them.

 

This is my second season in Antarctica, and I am having trouble seeing places I have already visited with fresh eyes. Yes, I have been to these places before, but I have yet to take the opportunity to share them on my blog, and I find myself more excited to share my upcoming adventures.

 

But then the universe reminds me to not obsess over the future and to not keep chasing the next thing but rather, to enjoy the present moment and appreciate it because soon it will pass, and I will once again find myself asking, “damn, why didn’t I share that?”

 

This reminder came in the form of a Facebook post. Danielle Krysa posted that her new TED talk, “How to cut creativity out of your life,” which she did in Nashville a few months ago, finally came out on YouTube. Danielle is the creator of The Jealous Curator Blog, which inspired me to follow my dreams of returning to Italy for Graduate School in 2016. I had the pleasure of meeting her at the European Culture Academy in Venice in the summer of 2017. It was a unique life-changing experience to live out my dreams of living in Italy and meet one of the women who inspired me to take the chase. It can sometimes be a letdown when you meet your idols, but Danielle was anything but. It reminded me how much I loved my life in Italy and regretted not following through with my plans to blog. So, my goal, since we will have a 25-day crossing to Lisbon after our ten-day voyage to Patagonia that begins tomorrow, will be to go back and share some blog posts that I started but have yet to share.

 

And if Danielle’s post wasn’t enough, the passage from Ryan Holidays Daily Stoic email from “Wait for the Gift” was the universe telling me to take a chill pill and wait it out.

 

“The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy, or too impatient. To dig for treasures shows not only impatience and greed but lack of faith. Patience, patience, patience, is what the sea teaches. Patience and faith. One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach–waiting for a gift from the sea.”

Gift from the Sea, Anne Morrow Lindberg

 

What have you regretted not sharing that you have returned to in 2023? Comment Below!

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